THE DEMARTINI METHOD FOR DEPRESSION
I have experienced cognitive behavioural therapy with a clinician in the past and in retrospect I have criticisms over its ability to truly lend perspective or added dimension to one's lived experience of depression. Its a lopsided approach that gets you to place overemphasis on happy situations by daily management of your moods. I have heard some commentators say it is like painting over a rusty fence - the depression is the underlying rubric that needs to be fully healed in a quest to see the inherent worth in a rotten situation. I like Dr. Demartini's method, he views life from a perspective of growth from hardship, the jewel being extracted from the murky waters of melancholy - the lesson borne from the wound.
So often in people's lives they have periods when they feel low. This can happen on a daily basis, a weekly basis. But sometimes this low is so low that its called clinical depression and when that occurs people look for solutions but the greatest solution Dr. Demartini, behavioural expert has observed its actually from within. Looking for solutions on the outside is a last resort he would say. Looking within at what you can do from within is what you should start with.
Many times when people have “clinical depression” and they are told they have biochemical imbalances and things of this nature what Dr. Demartini actually observes when he works with people is they really have unrealistic expectations of their lives – sometimes on themselves, sometimes on people around them. He sometimes even defines depression not as a disease but actually a part of the healing process. He defines depression as a comparison between your current reality to a fanatasy about how you wish life would be and if you have this expectation on yourself or others or on the world in general to be something other than what it is you have an unrealistic expectation.
The way it is, is the way it is.
And any time you have an unrealistic expectation on people to live outside their values or to you living outside your values you set yourself automatically for symptoms we call depression. Now any time you have an unrealistic expectation on yourself or other people you'll have what Demartini calls the ABCD's of negativity – you'll have anger towards yourself within, aggravation towards yourself within, you'll feel blame – you'll blame them or you will blame yourself, you'll feel like you're betraying yourself with them, you'll feel critical, you'll challenge them or yourself and you'll feel despondancy despair or depression. But those ABCD's are actually feedback mechanisms from within you. Your body-mind to your consciousness to let you know you have unrealistic expectations. So Demartini does not define depression as a disease.
He defines it actually the body-mind's feedback to try to give you realistic expectations. The reason he says that is because when he applies a series of questions inside the Demartini method and he actually asks the questions that calm down the unrealistic expectations, their depression lifts. If he he actually went and identified the downsides to the fantasies or unrealistic expectations that they hold on themselves or other people or the world in general & stack up the drawbacks to fantasy and dissolve the fantasy and then write down and list the benefits of the things they are experiencing once they're back in equilibrium all of a sudden they don't have depression and they can't even identify. They can't even look for it or find it – its just not there – because depression is a comparison of your current reality to unrealistic expectations that you are addicted to. And as long as you're addicted to anything that's a fantasy – whether its going to be a benefit or a drawback or peace rather than war, or nice without mean or kind without cruel or any one of those in a one-sided world.
When life has two sides the other pole, the depressive side is to rebalance you and to actually give you a feedback mechanism to help you set realistic self expectations in real time, real goals and real values according to what is true. When the second we do that our depression lifts and we are back into a state of gratitude and appreciation for our own magnificence and the magnificence we are surrounded by. So if you are having depression, Demartini encourages you to look within before you search without and to ask the right questions because the quality of your life is determined by the questions you ask.
So if you are feeling a little low, or sad or clinically depressed, Demartini would like to offer you some practical things to do. Stop for a moment and be really present and think about what it is you are depressed about. The more content specific you can get about what exactly you are depressed about the most powerful way you can transform it can now emerge. So first is why exactly are you depressed because in order to be depressed you have to be comparing whatever is going on in your life to the way you would wish it to be or hope it would be or fantasize it to be. So identify what it is you are depressed about you can ask yourself this question~ so what are you comparing your life to? The expectation, the unrealistic expectation or the fantasy you're holding onto. What id it you wish it would be then the way it is. It may be something in your finance, it may be something in your relationship, it may be something in your health or any area of your life. But wherever that is you need to actually identify what it is in your life you are actually comparing it to. Once you do – lets say you're not having the money you want or lets say your relationship is not as fulfilling, or lets say you are expecting someone to be there for you when they haven't been or somehow you are expecting yourself to be successful in your business by now but you're not. Whatever that expectation is, once you isolate the one or many components of that unrealistic expectation or fantasy.
Then you can go in there and ask what would be the drawback if it that was real. Because a fantasy or unrealistic expectation is an assumption there is going to be a benefit without a drawback, a positive without a negative, a pleasure without a pain, a gain without a loss, an advantage without a disadvantage. But if you go in there and ask about that fantasy or unrealistic expectation what would be the drawbacks? What would be the pain and bring that down by stacking up the drawbacks 10, 20, 30 or even more in some cases and until its flat until you can see there are just as many benefits as drawbacks in the alternative to what you're experiencing. Once you actually balance that out the fantasy you're comparing your life to is neutralized and spontaneously you're about to see the benefits of where you are because no matter where you are in life, no matter what you do there is always a pair – benefits and drawbacks.
So if you are expecting your life to be a benefit without a drawback you're going to feel a drawback without a benefit by comparison. So by going into the fantasies the unrealistic expectations the wishes you had and identify them content specific and ask what are all the drawbacks to each one of those things you are expecting and stack up those drawbacks until you're no longer addicted to it no longer going “oh I wish it was this way” You would realise there would be just as many challenges and benefits at that time if there was to occur . You will immediately start to feel a lift to where you are. You can't appreciate where you are if you keep comparing it to a fantasy. You can't appreciate the benefits of life if you're sitting there holding onto fantasy that has no drawbacks. So by coming up with the drawbacks you'll start to see the benefits.
Once you finish that you can nowtake the thing you are so depressed about and so ask: “what ARE the benefits of that happening in your life?” And if you bring down the fantasy with the drawbacks and bring up the benefits to the thing you are experiencing and flat line them, bringing them into balance, its impossible to feel depressed anymore, in fact you can feel grateful, your heart will open up and you're going to realise “Wow – the way “it is” in my life is “on the way” in my life and you're going to appreciate your life. Its a very powerful process – the quality of your life is the quality of questions you're going to ask. If you ask questions which bring balance to the mind, you open your heart and you feel grateful for your life again. Now if for some reason while you are doing this and stumbling over the process. The magnificence of life for what life truly is, is far better than fantasy