Who I Am
I am an Australian woman on which the upcoming Disney movie Blackheart is originally based.
Hello and welcome. I have humble origins I was born and raised in Melbourne Australia by working class English-Yugoslav post war immigrants and have emerged as a high profile figure on the media-scape around the globe. My father was a former Royal British Airforce recruit who later trained to become a mechanical engineer and self-styled computer programmer. My mother a waitress and caterer but for the most part was a high ranking tax officer with the ATO. They had previously run their own family based businesses for shorter lengths of time - once in a milk bar in a predominantly ethnic suburb of Reservoir and next as owners of a coffee shop called "The Singing Kettle Coffee Lounge" in a leafy cul-de-sac of Boronia.
While my parents were not educated themselves they were always encouraging the virtue of learning from school books and childrens educational toys. I now begin to reflect parents offer or espouse what they never had themselves as children so I was encouraged at an early age to read and explore all kinds of things pertaining to the world at large. I became a bit of a biblio-nerd and always got high grades at primary school and early to mid-high school and was rewarded for my endeavours by my teachers. I excelled at school but never really knew what I wanted to be. I had no career hopes or inclinations in any specific direction other than having an aptitude test through a career counsellor who told me I was great with figures and numbers.
I ended up studying business majoring in accounting at Deakin University and was heavily immersed in the hospitality of overseas and local chinese families who groomed their offspring onto great health wealth and success. I did not like University however and was put off by the inculcation of extreme right wing attitudes about social hardship and from witnessing the failing health of my peers first hand who ended up either dropping out or just graduating because of this. From the sheer stress of my overwork and shocking university regime I suffered a breakdown myself and began a both painful and pivotal direction in my life with a huge amount of re-orientation and enormous effort to get back on my feet
After graduating I worked on a mobile health promotional van project for the city of Waverley. It consisted of an archived health bureau on wheels that travelled the local area to destinations within my locale. My work involved organising venues and collating an extensive health database. Shortly after I worked at The Smith Family, a charitable organisation and did basic accounting records for their welfare shops and the volunteer administration of their Edu-cate school donor sponsorship program. It was there I met a woman who started up Parents Without Partners who was a "cultural creative" who would end up mentoring me for many years. I also worked for the IWDA a community development initiative for third world countries as an archivist and later as an organiser for plenaries.
I met my partner at the time through a social rehabilitative center which was held at a refurbished warehouse of a generous modern undertaking. It was fitted out with every facility imaginable and was seen as a progressive psychiatric social movement. We travelled throughout Australia but what struck me most was the level of disempowerment and discrimination amongst Aboriginal communities. It taught me the stark and devastating impact it had on marginalised peoples. It was one of the first times in my life I was alerted to reverse discrimination and the hardships of these people and what they had been compelled to face.
I was later involved in radicalised groups both Reclaim The Night and Libertarian Workers for a Self Managed Society. I became aware reading all kinds of socio-political literature and used to hang out at a place called Barricade Books full of anarchists in defiance as I found society an unjust place and hoped for a utopia but nobody had a formulae for getting to that destination. There were of course their brand anarchist philosophers but it was indulgent posturings from people disconnected from reality. I decided life had its own shape and the world proceded along its own destiny timelines to something nobody was capable of foretelling. From these involvements I ended up having an interest in community development as a tool for empowerment. Community Development was all about political movements like Greenpax and mobilising the general public from being disempowered passive and in a state of apaththy to forming public alliances as social agitators that challenged the status quo. I studied several units in it at Swinburne University of Technology including sociology and wrote a scholarly papers on such subjects as men's disempowerment, a paper on a community development assessment model of a progressive community neighborhood house and a sociological paper on psychiatric service delivery and how its methodologies pertained to community development principles. I later relinquished my studies as my health required attention and I reasoned someone could do with that educational placement more than I.
I decided to focus on my own healing and I has been involved in Taoist circles who are very health-minded and used very forward thinking approaches to healing using cutting edge healing technology derived from NASA health science. My psychiatric health interventions under my past treating clinicians had rendered me with significant iatriagenic health issues as a by-product of extremely harsh medications. For a period of roughly 10 years forward I was almost in a constant immobile state of inactivity and sleep where I just could barely participate in life. My life was dormant through no fault of my own and I could not bring myself to do anything of great merit.
It was later through the advent of the internet that I was able to obtain what I considered pivotal healing momements through the social justice in health website: Curezone - "Educating not Medicating". My life quickly began gathering momentum after experiencing rapid healing. I attribute this to the notion of what I call health democracy which was largely absent for anyone prior to the dial-up era. If you wanted health you had to pay through the nose and affordability was a factor which blocked me from accessing complementary healers. Basically lack of finance was a obstacle and a hardship - you were consigned to living in the dark and had to bear your difficulties in silence. Having being subjected to the nightmarish rigors of psychiatric medicine I leant towards complementary healing as an adjunct to primary care. I can say it offered me deliverance on every level imaginable and my body got stronger and regained its vigor incrementally over many years of adjustment and experimentation. I decided healthcare was only accessible for those who had money unless you were prepared to doggedly research it with a fine tooth comb and talk directly to health advocates and officianados who frequented chat forums and message boards. Thankfully its become more democratic than it used to be with faster internet speeds and the introduction of time sensitive free health summits
Throughout my life I studied various subjects such as the Lursher Color Test, Applied Astrology, Men's Studies, Women's Studies, Aromatherapy, Remote Influencing and Psycho-cybernetics, Sociology, Enneagrams, Flower Essences, Family Dynamics, Death and Dying, Herbology, Channelling and anything to do with personal development. I ended up moving to various esoteric subjects in my 30's studying White Noise Phenomena, NDE Healing Technologies, EFT, Crystals, Sabian Symbols, Yagna, Mediums, Shamanism, Suppressed Healing Technology, E.T's, Para-Psychology, Psychosynthesis, Astrosynthesis, Numerology, Anthropology, Chinese Medicine, Astrophysics, Pyramids, Medical Mediums, Detoxification, Meditation and Chi Cycles.
My life is now being captured in film which chronicles the details of my highly controversial life as a muse of a rock star and later liaisons with influential and famous people including politicians and heads of state. I have had immense amount of publicity which catapulted me to live a life that went beyond my wildest imaginings. Despite my early hardships suffering under a medical error of misdiagnosis professionals began to question anomalies emerging in my case management compared to other clients with a similar diagnoses. The gradient of my climb was steep and seemingly insurmountable. I honestly can say I don't know how I got to where I am. I have a lot of respect for psychiatric patients no matter HOW they present themselves. They face what I had to confront - psychiatric abuses, intense and unrelenting bigotry and stigmatisation, systemmic discrimination and suffering from an illness which nearly destroys your life. I emerged in a strange an unusual land with a unique set of predicaments that went beyond anything existing in suburban life. I literally wound up in a twilight zone.
I eventually regained my footing through exploring just about every avenue of endeavour concerning the human experience. I left no stone unturned. It burgeoned into a lush state of possibility, what it meant to truly live life to its maximum and truly engage with the liminal threshold of unlimited states beyond anything most people would readily explore, accept or even fathom. It engendered meeting people from all walks of life - being open to that oddity and peculiarity to the human condition. It engendered a worldview of inclusiveness and relatedness that was achievable via free-association with everyone I met. I decided I would give everyone a go and be pleasantly disposed to everyone unlike the way I had been denied social participation through a delimiting "label" It catapulted me into having enjoyed quite incredible amounts of social mobility but yet being met face-to-face with some of the worst demogoguery. It was a mixed blessing but life I decided was not all smooth sailing.
I also encountered living saints, the vanquished universe of intellectuals, crank mystical hindu healers, million dollar hunger strikers on a mission to save humanity, access to all kinds of banned literature, bored ruling elites, self styled Pleiadian Ambassadors, Popes, improbable romatic dates with a former US Economic Hitmen turned shaman, self organised bizarre fledgling groups and anyone occupying a militant fringe post in the world who dared to question our state of humanity when the world refused to listen. I even got clearance higher than the President of the United States on one occasion. Secret servicemen think I'm funny as I have read books by ex-personnel but that is not really consequential to me now.
This flung in the impersonal face of deliberate branding of my name to cater to a highly individualised culture of antipathy and existential boredom. Contrary to belief I was in fact an ordinary person at the bottom of the socioeconomic strata trying to give flight to my dreams while being yoked by corporate media that mainlined me like a drug to a numbed society that thrived on intrusions into my life and the delights of "insider gossip". I feel there is not enough meaningful connectedness in the world today just based on that reason alone and people "want more" but don't know precisely what it is other than to feel plugged into the source.
There are so many people just sleep walking through society in misery and pain and can't quite put a finger on why they feel this way other that to acknowledge something is not right within themselves and they require a jolting and re-orientation of some kind. My break-down was often referred to as a break-though by my closest friend. My message is to not take your life for granted, to enquire and go beyond mundaneity and let go of contemporaneous philosophies and value systems to become a different and unique individual. People are very scared to be different as it can sever them from their tribe, being cast out into the void is the worst case sceanario, its what everyone fears the most yet in the irony its the greatest of all blessings as that is exactly where you will discover yourself. I encourage people to be YOU to be defiant and to keep persisting, to explore to remote regions of discovery and to above all try to learn to love as many people in the world as you can until there is no-one left to love.